The End Game

 As I sit behind my desk and contemplate the final hours of our current president a thought stumbled through my brain:  What if the Pardon/Commutation aspect of the presidency was his End Game.  What if all along he was waiting for the end so that he could protect some of the people that either supported him, or had "something" on him.  I know that is sounds crazy, but as I looked at the previous list of people that he pardoned, I didn't see a whole lot of wrongfully accused.  I saw Wall Street Cheaters, Drug Dealers, Murder suspects, etc.  There were no socially significant individuals.  Not that former President Obama didn't have a share of equally questionable people on his list, but he also righted some injustices along the way a feat that has yet to materialize with the Trump list.  But that should be known shortly.

The state of things...

 It is probably good that I have the job that I have.  Everyday I look at the news and try to glean stories that relate a factual message without adding my own bias.  It is normally an easy thing to do, and thankfully I work in news at a local and regional level.  If I were someone who had to report the current national situation, I might find that my integrity would come in question.  I get so frustrated watching events unfold and then watching everyone react to them.  Left side, Right side, the ones in the middle all wanting people to believe in their causes.  And when mainstream media portrays them you rarely, if ever see mainstream America represented.  you see the country as it has been fractional-ized.  You see the dreads and the downtrodden.  You see people that are upset with their lot in life and rather than try to do something to make it better, they find someone to blame for it all.  Then comes along a leader, that for all intent and purpose, is one of them.  At least in words and deeds.  Someone who knows how to manipulate for his own purpose.  And at first he comes across as a beacon of light, a distraction from the norm for which we have grown accustomed,  but a closer look and cracks begin to appear in the shiny bright picture that has been painted.  it happens slowly over time, not that many of us didn't notice it, but so many were oblivious, because he spoke as one of them.  He used their rhetoric and their vernacular and he became the voice of the disenfranchised.  He brought out the bias and prejudice and flaunted it before the nation.  He was foul, uncouth, and any reverence he had was self-directed.

I know that many of my friends supported, and many still support, him without regard to his behavior or his twisting of the truth, or outright lies created from his own mind.  They didn't see his character based on the company he kept, the people he surrounded himself with, and many who knew him, perhaps didn't know the real him.  The celebrities that spoke highly of him were in a circle all their own.  Because He craved adoration, so he acted in a way that made others adore him.  And the ones that did speak out were vilified in public forums, ridiculed over social media platforms and called 'stupid' or 'idiot'.

We have seen the worst of human nature in the recent past, and I am afraid that the future holds more of the same, even in His absence.  Others will take his lead and build upon the rubble left in his wake.  I would pray for redemption, but i fear we are far removed from that.  I will pray, however, that my words are not a prediction of a future dark and filled with the socially unconscious.

A Teachable Moment

A Teachable Moment.

As a young man, growing up in the desert southwest, I was not privy to some of the prejudices that permeated the nation...Wait, yes I was.  I was just not aware at that time in my youth as to the effect prejudices had on those whom prejudices were being inflicted.  I can remember telling off color jokes against every race, culture, and socio-economic class.  I never once thought of the effect I might be having against those groups or individuals.  I then moved to South Carolina when I was 18 to go to Bob Jones University.  It was a religious institution, but at the time it was still filled with the racial prejudices for which the south was well-known for identifying.  It had been less than 10 years since they allowed their first black student on campus and interracial dating was not permitted.  It was during my college education that I began to see a change in myself.  At first I was following the college's line and justifying their reasoning behind their prejudices, using bible versus to support their beliefs, but I began to work in local restaurants and worked along side a diverse group of people, people of different races, different and alternative lifestyles, and economic status.  This is where my growth potential, I believe, had the advantage over those who were born and raised in the south.  I didn't have the history ingrained into my psyche that would prevent or inhibit me from learning.

For example, in high school in Arizona I went to school with one, maybe two black families. In South Carolina I worked with a large population of blacks, as well as those who lived alternative lifestyles and I began to see that prejudices were a result of a lack of education on my part, because when you work with a group of people, you begin to see the human side of prejudice and how it negatively effects them.  It also taught me that prejudice is not always a result of how people view differences, but how prejudice actually influences those differences.  How you may perceive the way a person acts may actually be a direct result of prejudice.  I would hear whites say things like, "you haven't had to live with them your whole life, you don't know what they're like."  But then speaking with another person who has been affected by prejudice who says "my race has been minimalized for the last several hundred years" I began to see why the clashes cut so deep.

So moving ahead to more recent events, things once again arise that make it necessary for me to re-evaluate.  I have come to learn that people that have been distanced from the direct result of prejudice don't necessarily have the same take on prejudicial things.  People that I have met, and had specific conversations with, on the west coast don't necessarily get the "big deal" of the Confederate Flag.  They haven't had to look at the systemic problem in the same way that someone from the south, or even the northeast in some cases, look at it.  And don't get me wrong, I certainly understand the argument that says we have a right to fly a flag, whatever flag, but we also have a social responsibility, that unfortunately was not written into a constitution, that says we must exhibit the human decency that respects all life.

I, for one, am a living testament to change on this issue.  I am thankful that my children have had parents that look past race and other stereotypes to see individuals instead of color, lifestyle, and economic status.

Am I free of prejudice?  No, not in the least.  It is in human nature to pre-judge, the beautiful part of it, though, is when you educate yourself and make new judgments based on personal knowledge.  For I have found, that when I familiarized myself with an issue I come away with a much more balanced view.  Broaden your views…or not, but at least understand something's complete influence on society and not just how your little corner of the world sees it.

My 2 cents.

No reminiscing...

I woke up this morning from a dream.  I usually wake up that way.  More often than not it is a dream that spirits me awake.  Sometimes it's a good dream, and sometimes it's a dream that I wish I didn't have.  But this morning it was not the dream that stirred me.  It was my mind.  I awoke beside the woman that I had no idea existed.  Never thought that I had the luck to bring someone so wonderful into my life.  Okay, let me take that back.  I always knew that it was possible, but I never had the patience to wait out a relationship to see if it was actually going to work.

And here is why.  I have spent my entire adult live reliving the past.  Thinking about what might have been instead of letting go and focusing on the future that lie ahead.  It was not until the finality of my previous marriage did i realize that failure in the present actually came from not being "present."  For had I been an active participant in my own life, I would have made different choices.  And at the same time I find that I cannot belittle those choices, because, well, here I am.

Spending a lifetime with "what ifs" and "if only's" is counterproductive.  But practicing what you know is not always as easy as burying your head in what might have been.

I have always been a "go with the flow" kind of guy.  I never had a long list of needs and wants that i had to accomplish this lifetime, I just wanted to live life happily, and even though my circumstances were not always optimal, I personally was happy.  I would take the hard moments for what they were and move ahead.  Sometimes slowly and sometimes full speed ahead.

The only thing that I did know was that there was an emptiness that sometimes crept in when I was missing love in my life.  Love, that I learned, did not come from being with someone, but rather came from within me.  And when I finally figured that out, the emptiness went away.  It was also the time when the one that shares my life with me showed up.  I wasn't looking for it, per se, but there it was.  perfect in all imperfections.

It was when I put to bed the reminiscing of what I thought my life would be, and focused on where I was at the moment that things started manifesting.  And to an abundance.

Thankful, Grateful, Blessed.

Democracy in Peril?

The issue is moral character, not political ideology.  I can respect a person for their beliefs and their political leanings in whatever direction that might be, but I cannot condone a behavior which at its core is corrupt and based in moral turpitude.  Whether it was Kennedy, Nixon, Clinton, or currently Trump, the idea that we can let behavior go unchecked because of low unemployment or a thriving economy is just insane.  The economy often moves forward regardless of the character of a person in the Oval office, because we can no more credit the good times to one person than we can blame the bad times on one person.

Today our democracy is in peril and it is so because of the focus on both sides to do what is convenient for “self” rather than what is good for America.  While the efforts of both sides doubles down it is the American People that suffer.  Nothing of significance is being accomplished in Washington nor is it likely to change.

Even these words are useless in provoking change.  They merely act as foot stomping against a concrete surface.  There is no ripple effect.  The best I can do is throw my hands up in frustration and hope that a larger, more formidable entity will see my desperation.

A few thoughts on Love

One of the things that I am learning as a human being is the compassionate part of friendship.  More specifically, how important friendship is in the development of a lasting, loving, intimate relationship.  By no means do I pretend to have all the answers, in fact I have very few answers for the rest of the world, but what I recognize is that while some answers can be applied to all relationship situations, some answers are so personal that they can only speak to the soul seeking them.  The old saying 'what's good for the goose is good for the gander' is not applicable in every instance.

I have been learning that just because you love someone does not require them to love you back. And that you can freely give love expecting nothing in return.  (Ok, for you old souls I am stomping all over your 'we already know that' attitude)  Now this does not change my philosophy on relationships.  I still believe that for love to exist in a committed, intimate relationship that both parties have to share the same belief of what love means.

For example, if you really think that you are in love with someone and they are not reciprocating the love yet you find yourself constantly trying to convince them of your love, that is not a healthy love, nor would I even consider it love (but that's just me, your opinion might differ).  It is infatuation, obsession, or some other form of mania.  The idea of someone insisting on using the biggest hammer they have to drive a square peg into a round hole is ludicrous.  You don't have to force fit something that is right.  And along those same lines, if you are needing the person, that you say you love, to make all sorts of changes to fit in your perspective of what love is then you are wasting precious life on something that will never work for you.  The energy would be better spent on walking away and doing some more searching...spiritually and physically.

So back to giving love expecting nothing in return.  If you truly love someone, you are going to want the best for them.  But it is not up to you to decide what that "best" is.  It is only up to you to love and support that person.  Now, of course, I am talking about a healthy adult relationship.  Obviously if someone you love is making choices that will harm them physically you have a responsibility to get them help, but if it is a decision that takes them away from you and towards something else, you have to let that happen.  No amount of cradling or codependency will ever make that person feel comfortable in your relationship.  It is only the release and reassurance that your love is not confining, but rather freeing.  A person at choice is apt to make much better decisions for their own life than one that feels trapped or is guilt(ed) into being in a relationship.

Now how this becomes difficult in relationships is that you still want to express your love for them while letting them know that you will still love them no matter which direction they choose for their lives.  In my own life this has been a wonderfully freeing process.  Knowing that you can love someone so deeply that you can be completely unselfish for the choices they make. Well, I am still human, and I digress a little from time to time and the selfish man tries to sneak by me, because after all we all have needs and desires. But I know in my heart of hearts that I am wanting the best for people in my life.  So here is the crux of the problem.  People are not generally wired for someone who wants to love them and yet will let them go.  It is not the reality that fairy tales are made of.  We are programmed to believe that someone who loves us does it for selfish reasons.  What can they get from me?  Or it may feel like an obsession to them.  It is in the convincing that the biggest concerns come forward.  Too much reassurance and it sounds like a manipulation to them, too little shows a lack of commitment and they may question if it is truly love or if you are simply pandering. 

There is no 'one' answer to that.  Because there is no one 'type' of person.  It all comes down to understanding someone so deeply that you know how to support their needs.  And it also comes down to trust.  Do they trust you?  Have you proven your relationship integrity to the point where they know that they are safe with you?  Because if you tell someone something you better back it up with actions that match your words. Or fail.

In developing that long-term, trusting, intimate, loving relationship, be patient above all else.  Be understanding to a fault, and if you must share your feelings of love don't let them overshadow your desire for their happiness.  If you really love someone their happiness should also bring you happiness.  It's a tough thing to manifest.  It takes time, a little brain retrain, and back to that other word: Patience.

Do not ever consider NOT loving because you do not think you will get what you need in return.  Champion love.  Be that hopeless romantic but toss the petals of the flower to the wind and let fate blow them in the direction they are destined to go.

Dusty Drawers

It comes and goes in spurts. Some days I feel as though I could write forever with plenty to say. Other days there is nothing but dust in the drawers! Dusty day today! I woke up at 2:30 this morning and instead of rolling over and burying my head in the pillow I succumbed to the little green flashing light. Yes, I picked up my phone and took a look at what was "the Most Important thing in my life!" As it turned out there wasn't anything too exciting going on other that my circadian rhythm was now fricked up. The one message that appeared on the screen was over 4 hours old and could have been another 3 or 4 hours older and not made one bit of difference. Of course I did not know this, but I should have. There are only 2 types of messages that hold extreme importance to me...My biological family and my adopted family. If you are not in either of those groups then I am sorry but your text can wait.  Barring any life threatening emergency I knew that it was not likely to be family, otherwise the phone would have actually rung.  On the adopted side of things there are only a handful of people that I would respond to at that hour.  LH, LHB, DS, RH, DJL.  And maybe one or two more that I cannot recall at this very tired moment.  But I usually know when texts from the adopted family are coming.  Call it a sense, wisdom, witching, a connection, whatever word you choose to ascribe to it.

So why not just sleep?  I have no idea.  Maybe it's just stuff on my mind that is imbedded deeper than my conscious will allow me to access.  I have tried meditating.  Occasionally focused breathing will work, but in the long run it comes down to unconsciously grabbing my cell phone and watching whatever videos pop up on my facebook screen.  Thankfully there is nothing hardcore there to further destroy my slumber!  I mean who needs "that" at 2:30?  On the other hand (pardon the inexcusable pun) were "I" someone's blinking green light and some tactile interaction were proposed...Sleep be damned!

I look forward to that early morning wake up call!

Dusty is right.