Ramblings

I have been asked before, why do I get so emotional during certain scenes on television and emotional moments in real life I miss and don’t even recognize them?

So I have been thinking about that and here is that which I have deduced:

Television and movies have an arc to them.  There is a certain way (fantasy) in which a writer writes a story so that the ending has a somewhat predictable ending.  The good guy/girl wins, the hero gets the girl/horse/guy (whatever).  But the emotion on the screen has a believability that could happen in real life but without the disappointment that often occurs in real life.

While it is sad to admit, people disappoint.  I have disappointed.  Others have disappointed me.  Life, while wonderful, doesn’t always work out the way you think it should (even though plot twists are often better).  But in the face of disappointment, the guard goes up and the emotions get blocked. 

What I haven’t figured out is why it is only with direct connection with people in my life that this happens.  For example, when I am watching a YouTube video that someone has put up with a real life event I can get emotional.  I can connect with them.  But my kids, parents, siblings, spouse, friends, not so much.

So back to the first thought…I guess since the end is rarely like the tv/movie version I haven’t quite got the grasp on really feeling the moment.  Sad you say?  You bet.  It’s time to take a look inside to see if I can change that.  Perhaps with a little more introspection I can come up with an answer…or two.

But the real wonder I have is: Am I Alone in this Feeling?  Is it a problem that no one else but me is facing?  I guess it would be nice to know if someone else out there can sympathize. 

I am an empath, which makes this even weirder.  I feel, sense, recognize emotions.  One on one or in a room filled with people.  But then, maybe that adds to the desire to shut the immediate off and go for the safer, more predictable on screen performance.

I’ll look at that and get back to you. 

The Talk.

How many of you remember having that conversation with your parents?  You know, The Talk!  The Birds and the Bees!  The one about SEX!

I’m not talking about the obligatory conversation that goes something like this:

“If you have sex you will get pregnant and it will ruin your life!  Or: “Don’t you play with that thing in my house!” or even the ipso facto: “What the hell are you doing?”

No.  What I am talking about is an open discussion that discusses the importance of a sexual relationship.  The how’s and why’s of each part of the process and the responsibilities that go along with them.  How to achieve an orgasm for your partner and the importance of cuddling.

Okay, that just scratches the surface, but I am guessing that not many of you heard this from your parents and it is likely that none of them handed you a book and said “here you go…I can’t talk about this, but it’s all in here.”

And it doesn’t get any better when it is taught in school.  I remember in 8^th grade seeing films on child birth and it was intended to scare us rather than inform us. (hopefully that has changed since the 70’s but I’m not so sure).  There was nothing in those classes about the sensitive areas of the penis or the stimulation of the clitoris or of the female orgasm actually assisting in pregnancy.

Now these are all things I can get from watching an episode of Real Sex on HBO, but for me it’s too little too late.

I was in my early 30’s before I finally figured it out, and by then I had failed to satisfy my share of relationships.  And when I figured it out I finally realized the joy that I had been missing. 

The thing I realize though is that The Talk is not easy for any parent.  I even missed the boat with my own kids, but then I have the feeling they would have freaked out had I tried to talk to them about sex.

But thank God I learned anything at all, even if it came later in life.  I mean, hell, my 30’s was a pretty good time to figure it out.  I hope my kids are a little more prepared to talk to their kids, but I don’t plan on asking them!  Lol!

Something shiny!

What to write?

I admit that there are days that go by that I actually don’t even turn on the computer and attempt it, but it’s the days that I do…and I sit down in front of the screen and start a dozen different ideas and none of them seem to pan out.

This is one of those days.

I think about the topic of weight loss - which I am considering doing at some point.  Or moving on from a job that is not fulfilling my needs – which I am considering doing…at some point.  Or about how the apartment complex we chose to move into cannot fix a simple leak in the apartment upstairs that drips in our wall creating a hazard of mold for us downstairs.  I could write about this whole move across the country and how it is coming up on a year and I am still not feeling settled.  All great topics.

But I think what I will focus on today is global warming.  No wait…the economy.  Nah, rising gas prices!  No that’s not it either.  Coffee?

I love coffee.  Dark, rich roasts that have just a hint of bitterness.  The way is smells in the morning as it begins to wake you up…no not about coffee… it’s a subject with limited.

I guess what it comes down to is that the process of writing really is about just sitting down and writing.  Whatever it is you are passionate about (or whatever it is for which you are passionate).  Exercising the brain is just like exercising your body.  The more you do it the sharper and more focused the brain becomes.  Consequently, the less you do it, the more you sit on the couch, watch television, and lament the fact that you are not doing anything productive.  So in a sense, even though this has no particular topic to it, I am working out my brain and building new synaptic pathways in order to increase my ability to sound intelligent.

So while I look at shiny things around the room…

Oh, did I tell you that my job just hasn’t been able to find the hours to keep me busy so I turned in my notice and suddenly they are trying to put something together to keep me there.  Even the Executive Vice President of Programming reached out to me in a weird way (or should I say with strange timing).  He found me on Linkedin and sent me a request to connect.  Now that might mean nothing, but it certainly made my wife question it, or rather question my resolve to move on.  But hey, I have plans.  Goals to achieve.  An exciting life ahead of me.  It’s time to explore some more!

(sniff, sniff)  I smell coffee!