I am going to start off by saying that I am not going to say
how complicated the English language can be.
Oh well, it has been said. But truly,
we all know it. We know how confusing
words can be and the meanings that words share.
But there is one word that I have deemed the most confusing, if only in
my own mind and by my own definition. And
that word is Friend.
It was during an early morning conversation with my wife
that began with me mentioning my friend who happens to be a once and future
restaurant mogul. The conversation
followed the usual twists and turns that my particular mind goes through and
then near the end of the conversation I made some comment that I really don’t
have many friends. This brought an
immediate reaction from my wife. Her comment was that I am always talking about ‘my
friend here’ or ‘my friend there’ and yet I say that I don’t have many
friends. She was perplexed because my
use of the word friend would have one believe that I have many friends. And…I do, but let me explain.
From the other side of the shower curtain (which is where
most of our pertinent conversations take place) I made the analogy of another
confusing word. I said, “I love my wife,
I love my kids, and I love my dog.” All are
true, but they all have different and distinct nuances of definition. I explained that I viewed the word ‘Friend’ in
the same light.
I told her that there was
the option to use the word acquaintance but that word was too vague and had an
aloofness that did not correspond to any of the ‘friends’ that I have. ‘Friend’ is very similar to the word love in
that with the different levels of intimacy the word has a different
connotation. At the very least the word
friend, to me, denotes the level of how I feel about a person. On the lowest scale (which I still hold in
very high regard) a friend is someone that I like as a person. I meet them, they are kind, considerate,
maybe funny, maybe intelligent, but the manner in which they conduct themselves
emits a kind, gentle spirit. This is
something with which I immediately connect.
Does this mean that I will call them a friend? Not necessarily. Yet if I have another social chance to
connect with them and we strike up a conversation and my opinion remains the
same or even progresses, then I may begin to consider them a friend. It does not mean that we have exchanged
numbers or intimate stories of our lives, but the connection, based on a mutual
admiration, will go a long way to establishing that base friendship. And if we were to continue to run into each
other in social situations and find we still have things to talk about, then I would
begin to call them my friend.
The second level of Friend would be what my wife deemed as
an associate. This is also a person who,
primarily, I like and for work or other social reasons I am privileged to
interact with them on a regular basis. My
former boss in North Carolina would be someone like that. I like him, he is kind and a gentle spirit,
and we interacted for a common good through the radio station. We would occasionally intersect our social
calendars – Super Bowl at my house- Dinner at his house- but we did not hang
out on a regular basis. We shared each
other’s numbers, but rarely were there calls for the kinds of “favors” that the
next level of friend might share. ( this
is not limited to people with which you share a working environment, but also
people that may cross your paths during the course of your work)
The third level of friend I choose to call the Commiserator. Of course this is not a noun and therefore the
word, in my copy of this document, is underlined in red, but it is a noun. The Commiserator is the friend that you
relate certain intimacies of soul. You often
vent to this friend about other friends and situations that may arise during
the course of your day. This friend is
more than just a gentle, kind spirit. This
person will generally share a lot of the same philosophies and personality
traits. If you are a bit acerbic and
sarcastic, then they will likely be also.
You may often find yourself defending this friend to other friends. Maybe not revealing you’re agreement with
said friend, but sometimes just taking a position that supports their view
(because only the Commiserator knows you are just like them – that is the
intimacy part) The Commiserator will
often know your weaknesses, because they share the same ones. And while they may give you shit for those
weaknesses, they never judge you because of them. This is also the person that you can likely
count on for a favor from time to time and will quickly return one or offer
your time and energies for this person.
The fourth and final level of friend is the companion
friend. This, obviously, is likely to be
your spouse or partner. If not now at
some point later. As with the other
three, you like this person for their kind spirit and gentle soul, but you also
involve them, at times, in work related social functions. You will also share with them your feelings
about others, your shortcomings in yourself, and they will see most all of the
faults that make you human. You go out
of your way for this person, sometimes to your own detriment, but you don’t
martyr for them. You do unselfishly
because they are the ones that have your back…Always. Even at times when they don’t agree with
you. Personality wise they are not
always like you, but they often compliment you in the areas that you are not as
strong. This friend is also (generally)
the most forgiving.
Friend. It’s a weird
word and there is a lot of room for alternate interpretations. Feel free to explore your own ideas on the
subject.
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