Have you ever written something that you want everyone to read, but know that you can’t publish it because if everyone read it than they would know way too much about your life?

I have.  More than once.

What I have learned from that is that it is important to have friends to lean on and share those times with.  Friends that won’t judge you, just listen.

In my case, however, I am not prone to making those kinds of friendships and therefore haven’t got the support to share my stresses.  Being married is great, but because your spouse has a vested interest in your emotional state they cannot really remain neutral.  No matter how much you ask them to remain that way.  There will always be words of wisdom, sage advice, and positive feedback.  But if all you are looking to do is vent…you better find another outlet.

Again, all those things are great in a spouse, but I drive myself crazy trying to figure out a way to vent that doesn’t illicit conflict.  So what do I do?  I hold it in until I can’t.  And then ‘kaboom’!

I have been accused of not being a good communicator, and I guess that’s true in some respect.  The difficult part is that I have so much to say, but feel stifled.  Stifled out of my own fear.  Fear of rejection.  Everyone wants to feel accepted by the ones who love them and sometimes the only way to get that is to say as little as possible.  I have often put my foot in my mouth and since shoes are rarely made out of leather any more, the taste is quite plastic.

This is certainly not a blog on being discontent.  In fact it is merely rambling on about wanting to be more verbal and not being able to find the voice to do that.  So I blog it.  Knowing that if anyone does read it, I don’t necessarily get a response.  And if I do…I don’t have to read it!

So I guess to sum it up…  Shut up or live alone… okay, that might be a bit drastic.  But I have to do something to relieve stress…or it’s going to kill me.