I woke up this morning from a dream. I usually wake up that way. More often than not it is a dream that spirits me awake. Sometimes it's a good dream, and sometimes it's a dream that I wish I didn't have. But this morning it was not the dream that stirred me. It was my mind. I awoke beside the woman that I had no idea existed. Never thought that I had the luck to bring someone so wonderful into my life. Okay, let me take that back. I always knew that it was possible, but I never had the patience to wait out a relationship to see if it was actually going to work.
And here is why. I have spent my entire adult live reliving the past. Thinking about what might have been instead of letting go and focusing on the future that lie ahead. It was not until the finality of my previous marriage did i realize that failure in the present actually came from not being "present." For had I been an active participant in my own life, I would have made different choices. And at the same time I find that I cannot belittle those choices, because, well, here I am.
Spending a lifetime with "what ifs" and "if only's" is counterproductive. But practicing what you know is not always as easy as burying your head in what might have been.
I have always been a "go with the flow" kind of guy. I never had a long list of needs and wants that i had to accomplish this lifetime, I just wanted to live life happily, and even though my circumstances were not always optimal, I personally was happy. I would take the hard moments for what they were and move ahead. Sometimes slowly and sometimes full speed ahead.
The only thing that I did know was that there was an emptiness that sometimes crept in when I was missing love in my life. Love, that I learned, did not come from being with someone, but rather came from within me. And when I finally figured that out, the emptiness went away. It was also the time when the one that shares my life with me showed up. I wasn't looking for it, per se, but there it was. perfect in all imperfections.
It was when I put to bed the reminiscing of what I thought my life would be, and focused on where I was at the moment that things started manifesting. And to an abundance.
Thankful, Grateful, Blessed.
