A Teachable Moment

A Teachable Moment.

As a young man, growing up in the desert southwest, I was not privy to some of the prejudices that permeated the nation...Wait, yes I was.  I was just not aware at that time in my youth as to the effect prejudices had on those whom prejudices were being inflicted.  I can remember telling off color jokes against every race, culture, and socio-economic class.  I never once thought of the effect I might be having against those groups or individuals.  I then moved to South Carolina when I was 18 to go to Bob Jones University.  It was a religious institution, but at the time it was still filled with the racial prejudices for which the south was well-known for identifying.  It had been less than 10 years since they allowed their first black student on campus and interracial dating was not permitted.  It was during my college education that I began to see a change in myself.  At first I was following the college's line and justifying their reasoning behind their prejudices, using bible versus to support their beliefs, but I began to work in local restaurants and worked along side a diverse group of people, people of different races, different and alternative lifestyles, and economic status.  This is where my growth potential, I believe, had the advantage over those who were born and raised in the south.  I didn't have the history ingrained into my psyche that would prevent or inhibit me from learning.

For example, in high school in Arizona I went to school with one, maybe two black families. In South Carolina I worked with a large population of blacks, as well as those who lived alternative lifestyles and I began to see that prejudices were a result of a lack of education on my part, because when you work with a group of people, you begin to see the human side of prejudice and how it negatively effects them.  It also taught me that prejudice is not always a result of how people view differences, but how prejudice actually influences those differences.  How you may perceive the way a person acts may actually be a direct result of prejudice.  I would hear whites say things like, "you haven't had to live with them your whole life, you don't know what they're like."  But then speaking with another person who has been affected by prejudice who says "my race has been minimalized for the last several hundred years" I began to see why the clashes cut so deep.

So moving ahead to more recent events, things once again arise that make it necessary for me to re-evaluate.  I have come to learn that people that have been distanced from the direct result of prejudice don't necessarily have the same take on prejudicial things.  People that I have met, and had specific conversations with, on the west coast don't necessarily get the "big deal" of the Confederate Flag.  They haven't had to look at the systemic problem in the same way that someone from the south, or even the northeast in some cases, look at it.  And don't get me wrong, I certainly understand the argument that says we have a right to fly a flag, whatever flag, but we also have a social responsibility, that unfortunately was not written into a constitution, that says we must exhibit the human decency that respects all life.

I, for one, am a living testament to change on this issue.  I am thankful that my children have had parents that look past race and other stereotypes to see individuals instead of color, lifestyle, and economic status.

Am I free of prejudice?  No, not in the least.  It is in human nature to pre-judge, the beautiful part of it, though, is when you educate yourself and make new judgments based on personal knowledge.  For I have found, that when I familiarized myself with an issue I come away with a much more balanced view.  Broaden your views…or not, but at least understand something's complete influence on society and not just how your little corner of the world sees it.

My 2 cents.

No reminiscing...

I woke up this morning from a dream.  I usually wake up that way.  More often than not it is a dream that spirits me awake.  Sometimes it's a good dream, and sometimes it's a dream that I wish I didn't have.  But this morning it was not the dream that stirred me.  It was my mind.  I awoke beside the woman that I had no idea existed.  Never thought that I had the luck to bring someone so wonderful into my life.  Okay, let me take that back.  I always knew that it was possible, but I never had the patience to wait out a relationship to see if it was actually going to work.

And here is why.  I have spent my entire adult live reliving the past.  Thinking about what might have been instead of letting go and focusing on the future that lie ahead.  It was not until the finality of my previous marriage did i realize that failure in the present actually came from not being "present."  For had I been an active participant in my own life, I would have made different choices.  And at the same time I find that I cannot belittle those choices, because, well, here I am.

Spending a lifetime with "what ifs" and "if only's" is counterproductive.  But practicing what you know is not always as easy as burying your head in what might have been.

I have always been a "go with the flow" kind of guy.  I never had a long list of needs and wants that i had to accomplish this lifetime, I just wanted to live life happily, and even though my circumstances were not always optimal, I personally was happy.  I would take the hard moments for what they were and move ahead.  Sometimes slowly and sometimes full speed ahead.

The only thing that I did know was that there was an emptiness that sometimes crept in when I was missing love in my life.  Love, that I learned, did not come from being with someone, but rather came from within me.  And when I finally figured that out, the emptiness went away.  It was also the time when the one that shares my life with me showed up.  I wasn't looking for it, per se, but there it was.  perfect in all imperfections.

It was when I put to bed the reminiscing of what I thought my life would be, and focused on where I was at the moment that things started manifesting.  And to an abundance.

Thankful, Grateful, Blessed.